The world was in shock this morning as it woke up to the sensational story that a previously unknown primate species has been spotted in an English suburb.
At a time when conservation organisations worldwide are lamenting the inexorable downward trajectory of the planet’s beleaguered biodiversity, it is reassuring to learn that new species are being discovered to counterbalance those losses.
Primatologists have been falling over themselves for a first glimpse of the mysterious creature, which they speculate may have recently emerged after spending an extraordinarily long period of time lying concealed and in a semi-fossilised state.
“We have always known that some species hibernate while others prefer to aestivate,” explained a senior scientist at Fauna & Flora International (FFI), “but this is the first time we have encountered a species that spends all four seasons in a state of permanent torpor.”
Other experts insist that the newly discovered species may simply have been hiding in plain sight. As recently as December, there were reports that an unidentified hominid had been captured on film – admittedly from a long distance away – while lounging on a couch.